Developing Responsibility: 

The Power of Expectations & Support 

by Roxy Krawczyk, M.A. Ed.


Ever wonder why your child drops their backpack at the door, leaves their shoes in the hall, or needs constant reminders to help with chores? 


This behavior is pretty typical for children, but it can be very frustrating for parents — especially when the reason behind it is misunderstood or unclear. Adults sometimes interpret these behaviors as a sign of laziness or lack of respect. However, in many cases, children’s lack of responsibility is not about motivation. 


It’s about expectations and support.


Kids can be responsible. At school or extracurriculars, they’re expected to follow routines, clean up, take care of their things — and they do it. Why? Because the environment makes it clear: “This is what we do here.” 


Teachers and coaches establish routines from the get-go. They teach children what to do, when, and how, breaking tasks down into simple steps. Expectations are straightforward, consistent, and reinforced regularly. 


At home, the lines are sometimes blurrier. 


Parents may assume kids should just know what to do. But personal responsibility is a skill that is learned and developed like any other. When children are unsure of what’s expected or how to achieve an expectation, they are far less likely to act.


. . .


If you want to see more responsible behavior from your child at home, try these techniques:


  • Establish clear and consistent routines — like putting shoes in a basket or setting the table before dinner.


  • Offer patient step-by-step coaching as needed, especially in the beginning and with younger children. 


  • Model the expected behaviors yourself. This gives your child more opportunities to internalize the routine and to see that, yes, everyone is expected to take responsibility for themselves at home. 


  • Notice and acknowledge your child’s efforts. Skill development is a process, and children are much more likely to continue to work at it if they feel seen and valued for their effort. (Look for progress, not perfection!) 


. . .


It’s also important to note that neurodiversity, age, and life stressors can affect how much responsibility a child can hold at home. 


Neurodivergent children may struggle even more than their peers with executive functioning, making it harder to follow routines or complete tasks independently. They may also use the majority of their bandwidth to meet expectations at school each day, leaving them running on empty by the time they get home. Any of these factors can make personal responsibility much harder, or even impossible.


Similarly, younger children have less developed executive functioning skills and may also use more effort to follow directions and stay regulated at school. This can lead to more struggle in consistently meeting expectations at home. 


If your child is experiencing new or ongoing life stressors — such as a move, a death in the family, or a new sibling — they may also have less capacity to manage self-care tasks and chores.


If you’ve tried the tips above and your child is still struggling with responsibility at home, consider simplifying routines and reducing asks. 


Start small — “outside shoes go on the shoe rack” — and build from there as your child shows readiness and capacity. 


It is important to remember that you know your child, including their unique needs at any given time. Meeting them where they are now will greatly increase your child’s success (and better preserve your sanity!).


. . .


Never fear if your child isn’t quite there yet with routines and chores at home.


Responsibility isn’t something children are born with — it’s something they learn and grow into, especially when their environment supports it.  Setting clear, age-appropriate expectations, using consistent routines, and modeling behaviors are great ways to set your child up for success.


You might just be amazed at what your child can learn to do!




About the Author

Roxy Krawczyk is an educator, consultant, and writer. She holds an M.A. in Education as well as Montessori teaching certifications in early childhood and adolescence. Roxy loves helping parents learn new tools for the ever-changing job of raising small humans!

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By Roxy Krawczyk, M.A. Ed. • October 31, 2024
The development of self-control begins at birth... However, most children don’t start to show significant gains in their emotional and behavioral control until somewhere between the ages of 3 and 7.
back of a child with red backpack who is walking down a driveway

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Learn what behavioral changes are normal when your child is transitioning (back) to school, and grab some tips for how to approach this period of adjustment.
child eating lunch

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By Rita Castro Cassiano • January 28, 2024
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Cultivating Community for Our Children

By Rita Castro Cassiano • December 4, 2023
Cultivating Community for Our Children by Roxy Krawczyk, M.A. Ed. Community can be very simply defined as a group of people who live in the same place or who share certain characteristics. But meaningful community — the kind that helps us to live healthier, happier lives — is about much more than just a collection of people. It’s about the connections between them. It’s true that communities develop around shared commonalities like location, values, and goals. What makes them come alive, however, are the relationships that arise from those common threads. These connections are what allow us to shift from surviving to thriving. Participating in community offers human beings a wide array of physical, psychological, and emotional benefits. Living in community gives us the unique advantage of coregulation, a process that balances our nervous systems through the people around us. This reduces our overall stress and leads to improved physical and mental health. Not surprisingly, there is a significant correlation between companionship and happiness! Community also provides us with important physical and emotional support. When difficulties arise, we have people who can offer us help and comfort. This interdependent network creates a feeling of security and increases our resilience. Just as importantly, our involvement in community helps us to develop a sense of personal identity. It provides us with the important feeling of belonging to something larger than ourselves. It fosters the development of our core values, which help to define us as individuals. And it provides opportunities to discover our unique strengths and passions as we share with and learn from others. Our interactions with our community help us learn about ourselves and make conscious decisions about who we want to be. There’s no doubt about it: community is critical to our development and success. And what is one of the very first communities that we belong to? Our school! School communities play a critical role in our early learning: social, emotional, and academic. This is because being and feeling safe is a fundamental human need. Until we feel safe, we cannot focus on much else! From a neurological standpoint, a sense of security allows our brain to better process and retain new information. From a psychological one, feeling safe encourages us to ask questions, take risks, and self-advocate. All of these factors lead to deeper learning. But the benefits don’t stop there. Studies have shown that students in schools with strong community are not just more likely to be academically motivated; they’re also more likely to develop social-emotional competencies, to act ethically and altruistically, and to avoid problematic behaviors like drug use or violence down the road (Schaps, 2003). Being part of a strong, healthy school community enables students to thrive in all aspects of their development. So how do we cultivate a strong school community? First, we establish and emphasize our common values. At A.L.M.A., our core values are compassion, respect, and equity. These values are the foundation on which we build our relationships, and they guide us toward mutual growth and success. Next, we maintain healthy, supportive relationships among students, teachers, and parents/caregivers. We do this by engaging in open, honest, and empathetic communication. We approach issues with a problem-solving mindset. We remember that we are all on the same team working toward shared goals, and we embrace our own vulnerability in the process. Finally, we create opportunities for connection and joy. We come together for social events, for volunteer work, for celebrations. We share. We laugh. We collaborate. We eat! We work to promote helpfulness and inclusiveness while getting to know each other on a deeper level. The more we connect, the stronger our community becomes. A strong school community benefits all of us, but especially our children. They reap the physical benefits of more consistent regulation and reduced stress. They learn more effectively. They develop social-emotional skills and core values that will anchor them throughout their lives. They get key insight into themselves and the beautiful diversity of others. They thrive. References Dixon, E. (2021) The importance of cultivating community . Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-flourishing-family/202108/the-importance-cultivating-community Jefferies, T. (2023) Why community is so important—and how to find yours . Reader’s Digest. https://www.rd.com/article/what-is-community/ Schaps, E. (2003) Creating a school community . ASCD. https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/creating-a-school-community Stein, S. (2023) The Importance of Community . Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202307/the-importance-of-community About the Author Roxy Krawczyk is a Montessori teacher, education consultant, and freelance writer. She holds Montessori certifications in both early childhood (AMS) and adolescent education (AMI), as well as an M.A. in Education and a B.A. in English. Roxy has ten years of experience teaching in the classroom, and she has spent the last five years consulting for early childhood programs. She loves using her passions for education, research, and writing to help parents gain new insight into the ever-changing job of raising small humans!

The Importance of Interdependence

By Roxy Krawczyk, M.A. Ed. • November 26, 2023
The Importance of Interdependence by Roxy Krawczyk, M.A. Ed. When it comes to raising young children, we talk a lot about developing independence . And rightly so — the period from birth to age six is an especially critical time for developing physical, mental, and emotional self-reliance. These are the years when children learn to move independently, to care for their own bodily needs, to express and resolve big feelings. But what about interdependence? Though it may not be talked about as much, this social dynamic is critical to developing sustainable health and happiness. So what is interdependence, and why does it matter? Interdependence is a state of being interconnected with others. Living in a state of interdependence means that our individual well-being is influenced by or dependent on the well-being of the people around us. This is in contrast to a state of independence in which we are entirely self-reliant, and our well-being is not influenced by the people around us. Independence is not a bad thing. Generally speaking, our goal is for our children to grow into self-supporting adults. We want our kids to be able to function independently. But we also don’t want them to stop there. We want our children to recognize the importance of interdependence. We want them to build mutual, reciprocal relationships with the people in their lives. Why? Because living and working cooperatively makes us healthier, happier, and more successful. Hundreds of studies have demonstrated that positive interdependence (i.e. cooperation) tends to result in higher achievement and productivity, more positive interpersonal relationships, and greater psychological health (Johnson, 2001). And not only are these benefits important for each individual, they also contribute to the overall health, wellness, and success of our collective. So how do we teach our children the importance of interdependence? And how do we help them build the skills they need to develop healthy, cooperative relationships? We talk about it, we practice it together, and we model it in our own lives. Highlighting moments of interdependence that already exist in your child’s everyday life is an easy place to start. You can chat about things like group projects at school, team sports, or cooperative work at home like chores and meal prep. Help your child to process these experiences by asking them questions: How do they feel about working with other people? What do they enjoy about a particular group activity? Is anything challenging? Follow your child’s cues, validate their feelings, and help them to empathetically problem-solve any issues that may arise. Speaking of chores and meal prep, involving your child in cooperative household activities has a wide range of benefits. It develops practical life skills and self-confidence, both of which are key to future independent success. And just as importantly, it also offers regular opportunities for your child to contribute to the family’s goals through meaningful interdependent work. Encourage your child to ask for help when you notice that they need more support with a task or project. Brainstorm with them about who might be a good resource. You can even help them make the request if needed. Remember to talk about your child’s strengths and talents, too! Highlight moments when they are able to offer support to a friend or family member. Reflect with them on how it feels to be able to help someone else. Use moments when you need assistance with something to verbalize your thinking out loud. This can be as simple as, “Gee, I’m really having a hard time with ____ . I think I’ll ask ____ for some help.” Demonstrate the ways in which you work cooperatively with other people in your own personal and professional life. Modeling is a very powerful tool. Acting with mutual support in our adult relationships — especially the ones our kids see every day, such as those between parents, caregivers, and educators — will naturally lead our children to build similar relationships in their own lives. While developing independence is undoubtedly important for young children, it is never too early to also begin fostering interdependence. Children as young as 1 year old can learn to ask for help, participate in cooperative activities, and absorb relationship modeling. Helping our children to build the skills for both independence and interdependence will help set them up for long-term health, happiness, and success. References Conley, Courtney. “Growing beyond Independence: The Benefits of Interdependence.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-daughter-doesn-t-have-be-miserable/ 202202/growing-beyond-independence-the-benefits. Accessed 16 Oct. 2023. Johnson, D. W., and R. T. Johnson. “Cooperation and Competition, Psychology Of.” International Encyclopedia of the Social & Behavioral Sciences, 2 Nov. 2002, www.sciencedirect.com/ science/article/abs/pii/B0080430767017988?via%3Dihub. Spendelow, Jason. “Interdependence: The Meaning and the Advantages.” The Practical Psychologist, The Practical Psychologist, 29 Aug. 2023, thepracticalpsych.com/blog/interdependent-meaning. About the Author Roxy Krawczyk is a Montessori teacher, educational consultant, and freelance writer. She holds Montessori certifications in both early childhood (AMS) and adolescent (AMI) education, as well as a Master of Arts in Education from St. Catherine’s University. Roxy has ten years of experience teaching in the classroom and has spent the last five years working as an educational consultant for early childhood programs. Prior to her work in education, Roxy earned a B.A. in English from Vassar College and was an editorial assistant in non-fiction book publishing. She loves using her passions for education, research, and writing to help parents gain new insight and tools for the ever-changing job of raising small humans .